In the last few years, as my clientele has grown both at home and online, I have found myself in the precarious position of balancing not just my work life and my home life, but also different aspects of my work. I basically have three jobs—my career at Alta View Wellness Center as a shamanic healer, teacher, tarot reader, and circle leader; I have my own online practice at the Moon + Stone Healing where I write exclusive content and insights on tarot, crystals, energy healing, shamanic healing, soul and shadow work, and spirituality as well as offer distance and online work and teachings; and I am the head of Student Success, Curriculum Specialist, and Crystal Coach at Hibiscus Moon Crystal Academy. I am writing and creating an oracle card deck called Cycles, as well as a few other books.
I find myself in this precarious position often. With all the things I offer--teaching, circles, healing sessions, one-on-one healing, reading tarot, teaching tarot--I often have to make choices on what to focus on at any given time. It means I am often an artist not always arting, a writer not always writing, a tarot reader not always reading. I want to give my readers and subscribers more of me, but my time is so limited.
In the last few years, I have sometimes stepped back from offering Tarot readings, or online sessions here and there, just to catch up with my email. What I sacrifice are things like writing my newsletters, offering informational posts on the blog, offering monthly Tarot readings to the public, journeying for our community, developing new offerings on my website, and deepening my presence online to my friends around the world. One of the reasons I step back from these things first is that they are a huge emotional investment. I pour myself into my work. I have never been good at half-assing things. Writing and putting things out in the world takes an outrageous amount of time and energy.
Because I have children to feed and a practice to support, I often choose those offerings where I can earn a living. Money lives in that unspeakable realm, like shadow work and trauma healing and politics, in our metaphysical community. Friends and colleagues struggle sometimes to make ends meet and never mention it to their students, clients or colleagues. We are asked constantly to offer of ourselves for free, even as we are overdrafting in our checking accounts. I’ve never been one to shy away from hard conversations. I want to offer it all for free, but I simply cannot. I often talk to my students about boundaries with our psychic and healer selves, we cannot just give of ourselves endlessly, because there will be nothing left of us. I suppose the quarantine has given me fuel to try to make the things I am passionate about available in a way that also sustains me financially and spiritually.
So, today, I am here to talk about one of the things I have been toying with for a long time—a monthly Tarot Subscription. I am calling it the Moon + Stone Healing Memberships. The Moon + Stone Healing Memberships is a tiered subscription membership that offers different levels of membership and price points so you can connect with regular readings and insight done by me around the moon cycles. They start in May 2020. These are things I always want to do--pull some cards for the collective on the New Moon, or offer a quick shamanic journey, but simply cannot afford to give away. So, I tried to find a way to sustain me, and offer the things on my to-do list that I never get to. Each collective reading will be offered via audio recording on SoundCloud, which you can access as often or as much as you would like. These membership subscriptions renew every month. You can cancel them at any time, though refunds will not be given after the content is delivered each month. Please read each offering carefully. There are only two levels with PERSONAL readings (the Sun + the World).
The baseline offering is the one that you already belong to simply by being a subscriber to my blog and newsletter. I will make this email mailing list worth your while. I will do a monthly video tarot reading posted on my blog, in which I will pull a card for the month, talk about how it affects us personally and globally, and talk about some earth medicine allies. I will post this on my YouTube page, to my blog, all my social media, and send the link in my newsletter. That is what all of you receive as a subscriber to this newsletter or if you subscribe to my RSS feed, or if you follow me on Instagram or on FB. It is free and part of what you get as a subscriber. If you decide you want more, awesome. There is no obligation to do that. But if you decide to subscribe to one of my membership tiers, my commitment to you is that this tier membership program not only will give you awesome content, but will fund more free offerings on my site as well.
STRENGTH TIER $20
The first tier includes three options you can choose:
1. a monthly full moon collective reading (available a few days before the Full Moon)
2. a monthly new moon collective reading (available a few days before the New Moon)
3. a monthly collective shamanic journey (available in the beginning of the month)
These collective tarot readings will be conducted for the entire group of subscribers. They are not personalized. I talk about the energy I am feeling around this Full or New Moon period. These readings will be about 30 minutes long and I will weave in ritual ideas, earth medicine allies, including stones, animal, and plant medicine allies for this moon cycle. These readings will be offered via audio, and available as a private SoundCloud link, so you can listen on the go. You can listen as often as you would like. They will come in an email that will talk about the energy and have exclusive content for each moon. The Shamanic Journey taps into the energy I am picking up for the month (you can view the free monthly reading available on my website free each month). The Journey takes you deeper into the work, so you can do your own journeywork with the medicine arising for you personally each month.
HERMIT TIER $35
This second tier includes two of the three above options, so you can choose the full + new moon collective readings, which means you will be hearing from me twice a month with insights about the moon cycles and what medicine to work with, or you can choose the shamanic journey and one of the moon readings.
HIGH PRIESTESS TIER $47
This tier includes both the full + New moon collective readings + the monthly guided shamanic journey with an animal guide
SUN TIER $74
In the Sun Tier, you get both the full + new moon collective readings + the monthly guided shamanic journey with an animal guide, plus you get a personal one-card Tarot reading delivered via audio (15-20 minutes) sent to you either the new or full moon.
WORLD TIER $92
In the World Tier, you get it all—both the full + new moon collective readings + the monthly guided shamanic journey with an animal guide, plus you get a personal 30-minute Tarot reading sent to you via a private SoundCloud link before either the new or full moon.
Again these tiers are the starting point for me. I plan to add more incentives and offerings to these, so if you have any ideas or wishes, respond to this email with ideas. My goal is to ensure that no matter what level you choose to subscribe at, you’ll get back more than you give.
I'll Follow You Podcast
Allison Felus, the Queen of Peaches, has a new podcast this year. She posted it on Instagram in the beginning of the year, and I started listening right away. The thing I love about it is Allison has just an easy way of dialogue. She lets people tell their story. She also interviews her people—people from all aspects of her life and her personality. She is a musician who works in publishing. She is an accomplished writer, and she is a psychic. She is also a crystal healer and energy healer. I just adore her. She is thinky and smart and spiritual and interesting. She wants to talk about art and writing and thinking and Spirit, but without all the bullshit. Like I said, she is one of my people too. I did this interview a little bit ago, before the shutdown. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me to post this here. Mainly because this is a forgotten spot on my things I like to do. So, I am going to be sharing stuff here more often. As you probably figured out, Allison invited me to talk for an hour or so, and here it is. Please enjoy and check out Allison’s other podcasts too. They are endlessly fascinating!
recommendations for isolation
I am not doing as much reading as I’d like. This time has been busy with lots of movement. I spent the first few weeks organizing, and now it is classes and working. But I wanted to share some great things I have read, played with, seen, experienced in the privacy of my own home!
I currently reading The Familiars by Stacey Halls. So far there are witch allusions, babyloss, and it is set in the 17th century, so I am so in.
I also blew through Kim Krans’ graphic memoir of her eating disorder while staying at an ashram called Blossoms and Bones. I finished it and then read it again. It is a must-own for your collection if you are into shadow work, art and recovery. She also is the author of the Wild Unknown Tarot, Animal Spirit Deck and Archetypes deck. I cried and laughed, but mostly just resonated deeply with it.
Poetry-wise, I am so digging Post-Colonial Love Poem by Natalie Diaz. I randomly opened it to a poem that started with a song that I was right at that moment singing, which to me was a sign that I was on the same wave length as the poet. So amazingly beautiful.
I love Ann Patchett and really enjoyed reading the Dutch House. It is set in Philly suburbs in the 60s. Her voice is magick and unmatchable. I felt like I knew the characters.
Before that book, I had just finished the last book in the post-apocalyptic trilogy called the Chronicles of the One, which is about a virus that wipes out 5/6th of the world, so if you are prone to anxieties and books that mirror life right now, um skip it. But it was good. It has witches, fairies, magick and all kinds of resilience and sex.
On deck is my favorite author Louise Erdrich’s new book the Night Watchmen.
I’ve been having so much fun playing with the Tarot Mood. I don’t think any phrase encapsulates the 5 of Swords better than, “You’re a dick, Gary.”
I am also enjoying the Hedgewitch Botanical Oracle and Crystal Medicine Oracle Deck, which are both such good allies when we get stuck in our head and have no idea what earth medicine is great for right now. Meditating and pulling cards are my jam always, but right now, when I need to be in my intuition more than my head, it helps.
Also, digging the Literary Witches Oracle, because who doesn’t like badass female icons and authors who create magick along with magick and oracle work.
I also ran across this blog post about Purple Dead Nettle, and it turns out to be all over my friggin’ yard, so I am going to try juicing this and let you know how it is.
I also love Allison Felus’s podcast I’ll Follow You and was honored to be a part of her conversation a few weeks ago.
I’d love to hear about what you are reading, watching, pulling, creating and more. So share in the comments, or send me an email at angie@themoonandstone.com
Mother Earth Father Sky Meditation
On Sunday, April 12th, I was invited by the Community for Holistic Integration (CHI) to lead a meditation at 11:11am. This meditation is one I do when I need to ground and open to Spirit. I think of this as a connection to all living beings and to all that is. Connecting with deep roots into Mother Earth and then connecting up with Father Sky, plugging into Spirit. I opened this meditation with the poem, i thank you God by e.e. cummings
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun’s birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any—lifted from the no
of all nothing—human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
Please enjoy this meditation and come back anytime you are needing connection, grounding or more.
This poem was originally published in Xaipe1 (New York: Oxford University Press, 1950), reissued in 2004 by Liveright, an imprint of W.W. Norton & Company.
Earth Medicine Allies for Changing Times
I was very honored to be asked to join Etheric Connection’s Divine Collaboration Virtual Expo on Saturday, April 11th. I am the first speaker (Hour 1) and shared about the Earth Medicine Allies for Changing Times. As I sat and journeyed with today’s theme, I thought about how this pandemic and the request from our leaders to social distance and shelter in place brings up so many feelings and emotions. In many ways, we are sheltering in place with our Shadow selves. And from the Shamanic point of view, this can feel like the World is being called to a Collective Vision Quest. We are challenged to search deep inside ourselves.In this changing and challenging time, I believe we are asked to admit that we are all connected. Humans hold this myth of separation, that we are separate from one another and separate from nature. This crisis challenges us to admit that if someone gets sick in China, it is also our issue here in Pennsylvania. It illustrates so clearly how interconnected we all are, how global our world is. In this vein, I talk about the Earth Medicine allies to assist with understanding and healing this illusion that we are separate and ways we can connect through the medicine.
i come with the grief
As a writer, poet, and artist, I’ve done a fairly lousy job of sharing my writing on here. I have mostly only shared my work about crystals, tarot and spirituality. Part of my passion is social justice and work of people like me—women of color who wrestle with identity and spirit in the face of social injustice.
I also want to show up more in this space—my voice and my face and my artwork. I have lived a life or two. I am a child of an immigrant. I am Latinx. And so I cannot go through this life without being reminded of that. It informs my artwork and my writing and my spirituality. It is part of the space I hold for people—healing cultural wounding and trauma, ancestral wounding and trauma, societal wounding and trauma. This poem encapsulates that for me. I began this poem in a writing workshop with marybeth bonfiglio.in 2017 and started with a prompt: “What grief do you come here today with?”
This is a piece I have revisited a few times, and found it. I am reading it below. Let me know what you think. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
prayers
Gratitude needs to be the root of all my practice. When I wake in resentment, anger, fear, my entire day feels off. It’s not often that this happens any longer. I have reoriented myself toward gratitude. I start gently with a simple prayer of thanks, as my stiff joints shuffle to the bathroom. I use the beginning of the e.e.cummings poem.
I thank you God for most this amazing day.
I watch the sun come up over the snow. The first blush of dawn highlights the waning moon flanked by Venus and Jupiter in the clear winter sky. The beauty betrays the bitter cold of the morning. 10 degrees. I sip my warm lemon water, snuggled in a blanket.
God, thank you for the warmth of my home, for the ability to build a fire.
The beauty way seeks to find beauty in all the things and also to be the one to bring beauty. I cringe at the toys I can see poking out from under my couches, and the clutter that small children bring, and yet their smiles, the warmth of our home (not just physical warmth, but the warmth of love and acceptance), the laughter, the artwork created by big and little hands hanging everywhere radiates beauty.
Great Spirit, may I walk in beauty. Great Spirit, I offer myself to thee.
I am most thankful that I get to do this work of honoring Spirit and tending to the Spirit of others, helping others live in a way that is harmonious—gentle consumption, stewardship of the Earth, sacred living, self-care, and self-mothering. Through my practice, the work I have offered has evolved. From my first circle of psychic development to now, I can see how much I have deepened in understanding and practice. How each moment is a moment of living in shamanic ways. I continually deepen my practice, so this makes sense to me. I have been blessed with many teachers and mentors who continually teach me how to show up despite adversity and grief and life.
Great Mother, thank you for the women who walk before me, who reach back, hold my hand and show me the way forward.
Last year, I experienced deep loss from the death of my beloved father to both of my animal companions (my dog Jack and my cat Magnus). The tenth anniversary of my daughter’s death amplified the grief. I had physical challenges to my health, and emotional challenges to my worth. I have had all my stories rewritten. I have had friends step away. Institutions shaken up. I have had every solid tower in my life brought down to its stone foundation. Thus is the Tower year, the one that brings it all out. Kali, the Dark Mother, helps destroy and rebuild. I honor her way, though it is hard. I honor her.
Dark Mother, thank you for the destruction of lies, and for the solid foundation to build again. Thank you for steady hand on my back as I move forward.
I am in the process of truth-telling about these incidents, and the process of truth-telling about my past and my history, of seeing things with clear eyes. There are stories that I had come to believe down to my core that just aren’t true. I watch and observe and take notes now about what is true and what isn’t. It is powerful work. Challenging, humbling, but good work. This is what we are asked to do as medicine keepers—continually do the deep work we ask of our students, clients and mentors. 2018 watched the Tower tumble. I used Snake for this work, as my guide. Snake sheds the skin. Releases. Transforms. Transmutes. Heals. Regenerates.
Thank you, Snake, belly on the earth, for showing me the process of shedding my old, torn skin. Thank you for rising from the earth to open a way forward for me.
2019 brings me to this year of the Major Arcana card XVII, the Star. It is a card of hope, of optimism, of healing, of peace. It brings me to watching the early morning sky for the simple beauty of the cycles of our life. Gratitude reorients me due north, the direction of wisdom and patience, the long view only the ancestors can bring. I am reassured of this fact—every part of my journey is used. No part is wasted on the medicine path.
Father Sky, Mother Earth, I thank you for clarity, for the willingness to see the truth no matter how painful. Thank you for bolstering me in the darkness, steering me to my True North.
Gratitude remains the root ball of the strong, powerful tree of me. The one that bends with the wind, but does not blow over. I am grateful for your continued support of my work and mission.
healing relationship tarot layout
How were your holiday gatherings? One of my Tarot friends sent me this hilarious cartoon for Thanksgiving, combining two things I love--laughing and Tarot. I have a great family and enjoy them very much. This was not always the way--my extended family dinners as a child seemed more like a blood sport. People leaving drunk and crying, yelling, dramatics, drinking, accusations. No one seemed to like each other, and I vowed as an adult to not be this way.
Holidays can be fraught with emotions--joy, grief, hurt, expectation, anxiety, sadness, loneliness--then add complicated family and friend relationships, and it is a formula for deep trauma. As I thought about this, I wondered how I would want to help my clients navigate the holiday family gatherings with my clients if they came to me for a Tarot reading. And I thought about how often in relationship disputes, I cannot see the trees through the forest. So, I created a Tarot Layout for Healing Friendships, Relationships & Family Dynamics. I created it so you can go deeper with shifting tension, for seeing a new perspective and for finding a way forward. I focused this layout on the person asking the question, because we can really only change us, right?
I think it would be useful to consider the cards that arise in certain positions. There are some relationships in which there is no path forward--this rift is permanent and important. Pay attention to the people on the card--is it a solitary person, or two people? Are you seeing cards of withdrawal or protection? Remembering that sometimes you are not at fault in the slightest, so how you move forward needs to be considered with that in mind. I'm going to print some of these out for Tarot Share, though it might not lend itself to a great group reading. This is really about our individual work with another person.
a Lammas reading for you
New Year Visioning Retreat
The winter always stirs me into a creative frenzy. I want to organize and simplify after the holidays. I empty containers, pots, jars, drawers, small boxes...anything I have mindlessly put something into at some point in the hustle and bustle of autumn. I go through things, read the notes I wrote months ago, and to-do lists, then throw them out. (Goddess, that feels so bloody good!) Releasing, organizing and de-cluttering might not sound creative, but right after I am done with that work, the muse fills me, and I must create. Nature abhors a vacuum as we say, and I just want to fill this emptying with artwork and writing.
This is the time I energetically decide what I keep for the new year, and what I am ready to release. What is ready for release? What is ready for more of my energy? The problem with this process is that it is just me in my head, and I have been living with this stuff all year. It is hard to see the tree through the forest. All my stuff seems important or it wouldn't be my stuff! Sometimes you just need another set of eyes, another perspective, to remind you of what is redundant, what is extraneous, what is holding you back from a lightness of being.
The work for me is never about bringing in what I want. I know who I am and what I want. Maybe too much. I'm a leader, and a go-getter. I tend to have big dreams and enjoy projects, work, and offering myself to others. In fact, I often overschedule, over-do, overwork...this isn't always a good thing. I often have this nagging feeling that I am forgetting something, or that there just isn't enough time in this life for everything I want to do. And then in my darkest hours, the statement that haunts me, "I'm not doing enough!" What I do well is surround myself with people who challenge me. Not just friends, but a few strong spiritual advisors, and I also pay for support in the way of therapy, coaching, and healers who help me clarify, simplify, and re-prioritize my life in the most important ways. All this asking for help and direction has also informed what kinds of offerings I supply to others. If I need it, certainly other people need it.
After taking part in a Sankalpa retreat many years ago, I connected and understood my soul path so clearly that everything I envisioned, drew, and journaled that one day more than five years ago has come to pass. I can see how so much of what I visioned in that day clarified what is important to me, and what was standing the way of achieving it. Because of that day and my own struggles with simplifying and distilling what is important to me through other healers and coaches, I began offering New Year Visioning Retreat day at Alta View Wellness Center. This is the fourth year offering this vision board workshop. But it is SO MUCH MORE than just a vision board class.
I combine my studies in crystal healing, earth medicine, shamanic practices, art, tarot, meditation, and circle leading in all I do, but this workshop particularly reflects it. Watching people create vision boards these last three years only strengthened my resolve that setting intention in sacred space intensifies the spiritual work, creates a fertile place to manifest any intention and amplifies the creative fire for others. It creates a higher vibration and higher consciousness so we can achieve our beautiful goals. Most of us don't want to be rock stars, or write the Great American novel, but some of us do. For those with intentions of the peaceful, small-life variety, or those with big, meaty, lofty goals, I created this workshop to help you first figure out what is holding you back and then what you are ready to bring in.
We start the day in meditation and prayer, circle up. I drum and guide you in shamanic journey, and guided visioning through writing. We move here and there to find more creative flow. The energy of the morning is being in a waking trance state, almost, in and out of journey world, to write. I simply ask questions to spark your deepest wants and desires. From that spark, you begin to stoke a fire within you--the one that holds your truths and intentions. As we move through the morning, we journal as simply as possible. (What are you ready to release? What do want for your health, for your friendships, for your romantic life, for your work, for you?) And we uncover and distill what is most important to you and how to achieve it.
After our morning of visioning, we eat clean, homecooked food lovingly prepared by me. I cook vegetarian soups and salads for us. This is a retreat, after all, and I want you to feel cared for and loved. So all my food is created with love and Reiki.
Then we move into our time creating a vision board to hold the visions of the morning. Whether you want a new couch, a new job or a new perspective, we help you find photos, words, and images to hold your intentions and release anything standing in your way of the best you. This process takes most of the day. It is amazing how quickly the time flies. We laugh so much, and talk, and share space with other people also ready to make shifts in their life. If you have more questions, or want to register, just give me a call, 717-770-9109.
understanding the medicine
When we see an animal die before us, what are we supposed to interpret and understand from that medicine?
On the way to our last circle, one of my students hit a deer. She was devastated. The deer most certainly will die, or already had died. She asked me, “What does this mean?” As a circle keeper and an earth medicine walker, I found myself stumbling over my words. Why does this happen to us who walk an earth medicine path? Others chimed in with their thoughts—the deer knew you could hold space for its transition; it was destined to die; better you than someone else.
A few years ago, after a circle, I was driving home. I live in the boonies, as we say, out in the sticks, where I worry about hitting deer. Pennsylvania ranks as the second most deer collisions in the country. So, I drive slowly, cautiously through the fields, and frequently stop for all kinds of wildlife. But I was still in the city, headed home, and bam, a deer ran into my car. It hit my front quarter panel. I pulled over and the deer laid on the side of the road, panting, clearly injured. I called the police and sent Reiki. I envisioned the Reiki energy repairing the deer’s legs and head, and strengthening it. I did this Reiki for almost 15 minutes, and the deer stood up, steady and whole, then ran right out into the street to get demolished and killed by a massive truck.
The truck tore the deer apart. I shook and cried as well.
What does this mean? Is it still medicine for us if we see our medicine dead on the side of the road? And how do we interpret it?
As I meditated on the death of the deer, I could see this interplay between the deer’s medicine and the encroachment of humanity. The medicine of deer resides in its deep vulnerability. When deer interact with humanness and urban environments, we begin to see just how vulnerable these magnificent creatures are. Humans have disrupted the balance of the predator and the prey. Our ancestors decimated the predators—wolves, mountain lion population, the bears—who would have hunted the sick and weak, keeping populations down. Massive deforestation also affects deer populations. Whitetail deer flourish in edge environments, right where the forest meets the suburbs. Streets and cars encroach on the delicate ecosystems. And hunting is down around the country with the ease of shopping for meat in the supermarket.
So, deer medicine is not only a medicine about the individual deer’s vulnerability to predators but the species. Deer, particularly those with antlers, have a strong connection to Spirit. Their antlers are said to reach high to our guides and angels as antennae for messages. Deer connects with the subtle energy system and has heightened senses from hearing to vision to smell. They are always sensing the disruption in the force.
I could not help thinking as my student told me about the deer and her accident that this was part of the critical message for her. Knowing that she is going through a beautiful spiritual opening, deer medicine can come in this way to remind us of our vulnerability during our spiritual opening. When we experience all this light and love that begins to channel through us from Spirit, we live in a bubble of good vibes. When I started opening, I just was always blissed out and only able to tolerate other lightworkers. When we take all this gentle light and vulnerability into the real world, our first encounters with the sickness of our society, the toxicity and negativity of people, the harshness of the news and the suffering of others, we experience this world just like the deer, hit out of nowhere by real life. This modern world is cruel to the vulnerable. Deer medicine embodies vulnerability, quiet, and gentleness. Nothing is more profoundly indicative of the imbalance then when nature interacts with urban life. Where we see how pollution hurts wildlife, or cars kill deer.
This grounded, counter energy to very high vibrational work is part of the medicine lightworkers need to carry as much as the light message of our power animals. When you open in profound ways, you are, of course, more susceptible to those deep wells of grief and compassion. But it goes deeper. There is nothing natural about carrying vulnerability or being an empath in a narcissistic world. We also have to experience and learn about the shadow medicine of our animals. Shamanic work is not always easy or light or fun. It is mostly about challenging ourselves to go beyond the surface, to experience the more profound message, to become stewards of the Earth, spokespeople for the Mother. When all of this starts, we want to live in that amazing Other World of Spirit. When we practice earth medicine, we become intrinsically tied to Mother Earth and Grandmother Moon, and their incredible cycles. Life and death, happiness and grief, masculine and feminine—this delicate balance becomes second sight to us We can see it without trying. Impermanence and suffering of life and of the human condition is part of our medicine and the spiritual experience. We must hold space for both light and darkness, birth and death. As we begin our opening, this can be a harsh reality.
If this happens to you, or you are driving and notice an animal sacred to you, dead on the side of the road, my suggestion is to begin asking what is the medicine for you—both in the animal’s living experience (how does it live, love, eat, hunt, raise its young, etc), then as your medicine interacts with the brutality of this world.
The prayer stick I created for the Vulture I harvested in 2016.
We can also show reverence for the medicine of that animal by creating a prayer stick. This is a way of honoring your deer and helping its Spirit make its way upward. You take a stick. I suggest about a foot to a foot and a half long. I would walk in an area where the animal was killed, or an area sacred to you. Do not take a stick off of a living tree. Forage on the earth for it. Remember to sing and leave an offering for found objects. Tobacco is traditional, but lavender, a piece of hair or other offering is proper. Hold the stick, and commune with it. Talk to it. Take all the bark off of it. Bark represents the ego, and we take the bark off to humble ourselves before Great Spirit. Sanding the stick, and working with it in some way is important to connect your energy to the tree energy. You can decorate it with red leather or red fabric, crystals, feathers or other offerings. You can paint it with colors, or symbols. Attach leather or yarn to float in the wind. Feathers are traditional because they carry the prayers to heaven, also the soul of the deer or animal hurt. Take some red flannel and make a little offering or prayer tie to Spirit (tobacco or sage is traditional) and tie it to the Stick. Some traditions use a Y shaped stick. Then place it in the earth. This grounds your prayer and gives it a solid foundation. Also it connects Mother Earth and Father Sky. If you want, you can place it where the deer was hit, or you can place it in a sacred place in your yard. Sing a song to offer its soul to heaven/Great Spirit. I did this for the Vulture I harvested last year, and it felt important and honoring of the medicine and nature.
If you are able and feel up to it, take the hair or an item from the animal that was killed (always remembering that if it stinks, it will always stink. If it has bugs, your house will have bugs, so only newly killed animals can be harvested, but that is another post) and use it in ceremony. As medicine keepers, we need to honor the medicine and the allies and giving them a good death is part of this process. You can use that medicine you harvested on your altar or in a medicine bundle.
One thing I know is that none of us aim for the deer or squirrel or bird, so release guilt. Guilt is the illusion of control (if I did something different, it would have changed the outcome). Just be with the profound grief. That is enough suffering. Create a ritual of honoring the medicine of the deer. Sit in the discomfort of your humanness and the ways in which we can mitigate the harshness of our living on the earth. Allow the tears their flow. Fall into ritual and ceremony.
Remember anything, all of our human experience, can become our medicine. To ignore the death, suffering, and violence inherent in our animal medicine is to ignore the full power of its medicine. May you walk gently on the Earth, friends.
belonging + be-longing
it’s been a while…that’s not from lack of love. In fact, every week, I put my weekly love letter to you on my To-Do list. When I write to you, my heart takes over, and even when I’m promising myself I’m not going to go deep, suddenly, there I am talking about that thing that I didn’t want to talk about.
It’s that way with this work I am called to do too. We want to stay light and shallow, but Spirit has a way of asking more of us, demanding we get honest and authentic right now. Presence, in fact, is just being where we are and honoring that walk.
I revisit grief this month, as my close friend lost her battle with cancer at age 45. Grief is this deep global, ancestral and cultural experience too right now, as we move through October—the month of collective honoring of the dead, and then on the heels of the hurricanes, earthquakes, fires still raging in the West…with all the natural disasters, racial violence, the shooting in Las Vegas (hell, the shootings every day in the US), with our own private and personal tragedies, we must sit with this extreme discomfort. I have no special magic trick for doing this work, except to just do it. Just sit and weep. Talk about how uncomfortable you are. Write long poems about injustice if you must.
I did this in August when I traveled to Niagara Falls, NY, to spend the day with Marybeth Bonfiglio at a writing workshop called Of Blood + Belonging. It was so good. I mean, so good. We explored the ancestors and this deep cultural grieving we are all going through. We cannot shift, raise our consciousness, ascend without pain. It is painful to let go of unhealthy ways of being—when we quit coffee, we get a headache; when we quit racism, misogyny, anger, violence, we get protest and violence and discomfort. When we hurt our environment for centuries, we get an Earth in revolt.
Marybeth asked us to ask how we belong, and how we be-long. And I thought about this so much since then, as what I see in the news and in the media sometimes makes me feel very Other. But that is not what I do anymore. I reject Other. I want to be Of. I want to be in your tribe, and in the tribe of all, even the ones who hate me. And so I wrote this:
I belong to the Earth. I belong to the morning. I belong to the Moon and her mysteries. I belong to the group of misfits and outcasts that belong nowhere with nothing, moving towards the abyss in the sacred dance of the wounded. I belong to Shadow and Light and Shadow again. I belong to the darkness that mines my suffering, my sins, my losses to bring light to another in the depths of the valley of hurt and grief.
I belong to all people, to all the people who don’t belong anywhere. I belong to the tribe of the untribed, to the citizens of the liminal spaces, that walk between life and death, between whiteness and brownness, between hetero and homo, between sober and drunk, between American and Immigrant, between the worker and the master, between the singletons and the twins. I belong to the exiled. To the runaways. To the orphans. To the unmothered and untethered. To the betrayed and the betrayers. To the spies and the sell-outs and the druggies. I belong to the Vultures who circle overhead, transmuting the rot, eating away the parts of us that no longer work.
I belong to the ones who are afraid of death and afraid of life, and manage to make that sacred. And I be-long, I mean, I long to be of the fearless, those that fear nothing and no one, who fear the boundaries which keep us from recognizing we are one. But I belong to the afraid who do it anyway.
Sometimes anger and bewilderment is our starting place.
This is what my work is about—creating a circle of seekers and misfits. I have some amazing classes coming up. I want to share them with you. In my circles, my center is about helping you process all this, and belong somewhere, even if it is among those that belong nowhere. There is space for doubt and for discomfort. Join me.
Past Life Relationship Spread
As a Tarot Reader, I am privy to the most interesting questions. People often come to me in places of confusion about their relationships--marriages, lovers, clandestine affairs, friendships, frenemies, parental/child relationships, co-workers. When we feel strong emotions on either end of the spectrum, we know something important is happening within the relationship. Deep wounds AND deep healing come from relationships.
There is no mistake that the Lovers card of the Major Arcana features Archangel Raphael over the lovers (the Devil's dark card comes from the same imagery as the Lovers), and that in the Minor Arcana, the Two of Cups, has the Caduceus--the two snakes wrapped around the staff of Hermes has represented Medicine and Healing for a long long time.
At times, healing in relationship confounds us. We don't always understand why someone provokes such strong reactions in us. Why someone's benign comment leads us to anger and another person's same comment sounds comforting. Or why we continue to attract and have the same types of relationships. Or why no matter how much therapy or talking or healing we do, we cannot repair the relationship with our mother, or father. When we get to the end of the line, we often ask questions like "What am I missing here? What is my lesson with this person? Do I have past life karma with this person?" People ask this if they feel deep, immediate love and connection for someone and if they feel the other extreme--revulsion, anger or deep hurt.
This layout came about after a reading with a friend of mine. She asked me what her past life relationship was with her husband. They had been together for over twenty years. She wondered why she felt so obligated to the marriage and to him. She asked if we could find this out via the Tarot Cards.
Sure. Why not? I had never asked such a question of the Tarot before, but the Celtic Cross is incredibly versatile. As I laid it out, I began changing the meanings of the positions and moving some of the cards around. After I was done, I realize I had naturally created a sacred spiral. I had done another reading like this connecting with someone's passed over loved one (I'll post this layout soon). In crystal gridding, I use a spiral for past life grids, to open to the deep knowledge within, like unscrewing a lid of the jar to view the past life.
We have done this spread many times in Tarot Share, playing with questions for each other to see how this layout works. One night, we did this for everyone at Tarot Share, looking at our past life karma with each other. It was fascinating to find out that when we ask about those people who have created deep love and deep anger/resentment/fear, we often get lots of Major Arcana cards. We see archetypes. We see reversals (lots of reversals). We see a spiritual journey, suffering. Do not be surprised if you see these kinds of things in this layout. It may be disturbing, but it also validates that the strong emotions you feel. Major Arcana always deals with soul journey. When we would read for each other (people who get along and often only interact during Tarot Share), we had all Minor Arcana and not too many reversals. It is not that we didn't share a past life, but that it was easy and light, and often in the context of a village or family environment where our souls and soul work is more removed from each other.
In the best case, these cards reveal their deep past life meanings to us easily during this layout. It can be hard to discern exactly what is going on in Past Life readings, but try to expand on what you already know of the card. And have fun playing with this layout. Comment here or on one of the social media platforms where I share this layout about how it worked for you. I'd love to hear!
eclipse reading
One of the gifts of Tarot is how versatile and beautifully flexible it can be with our own spiritual work. Tarot flows through our own journaling and work in whatever way we need it. I've been journaling my daily Tarot readings again, after taking a wee hiatus, and it reconnects me to my Higher Self, my guides and my daily self-care regimen.
As a professional Tarot reader, I sometimes fall out of the habit of journaling. When I connect with Spirit for other people, I end up taking something away that I also needed to hear. And to be honest, sometimes I get burnt out from the cards. I know what they mean, so I'll throw a reading, then look at it. "Meh, yeah, I know. Quit harping on me, Tarot." But the truth is--Tarot has so much nuance and layers of meaning that this thought is just me being lazy. When I journal, I take a new deck, and use the book, or I go really in-depth with one card in relation to my question.
The best part of this new journaling journey is that I have been creating so many NEW layouts for myself and others. This time, though, I am creating graphic layouts to help others go deeper with their cards.
Of course, this new eclipse energy is kicking my ass. I mean, really. So much shadow has reemerged, and I realize now that this eclipse energy emerged for me in June, and has grown darker and deeper through this summer. We are at a culmination of release energy. I created an eclipse tarot layout at look at this shadow work. This layout can be used at any new moon, not just eclipse new moons. It is about going deeper with your own discomfort. One thing I always find confounding is this idea of Letting It Go (Elsa, I'm sorry!) I mean, sometimes I just look at someone with the head turned to ask, "UH, HOW?!?!" This layout has a card that asks just this question, "How do I let it go? How do I release?" I also ask, "What do I need to forgive?" Forgiveness work seems the key to this eclipse energy. Forgiving the self, forgiving others, forgiving our childhood, forgiving our bad decisions...so, that was my thought here. Forgiveness, shadow, release.
I hope you enjoy it and I would LOVE to hear your experience with this layout. And as a sidenote, I thought tomorrow that I might do a Live Reading on FB of this layout for the entire audience. I do offer distance readings, if you are interested in having a reading with me. Send me an email at angie@themoonandstone.com
mothering
The breath catches in my chest. The cold hits me, energizes me. I am drawn outside. The winter air calls. I want to hike in the snow--to walk and walk and walk until I am way up in the mountains. The sound of my breath echoes in my ears, the cloud of it leading me deeper into the wood, higher into the ether. The sun flickers through the pine trees. It doesn't matter to me that it is cold. I dress warm, and stop when I grow tired, watch for signs of life. But that is not what happens when I step outside, daydreaming about walking for hours, rather a little one pushes through my legs and pops out the door ahead of me with no pants on, giggling wildly. I have children with me always. I wake up with a kid draped on me, his little feet finding a place to knead, a head finds its perch on a shoulder. When I close the door to wee in private, the door flies open, like the black hatted villain in a Western just slung open the Saloon door and is saddling up to the bar. Then it is the insistent, persistent calls for Mama, MAMMMMMMMMMMMA. Where you at? as my two year old says.
I was born maternal, nurturing my twin in the womb. Stuffed animals and baby dolls and then naming each fly that landed on my arm, and feeding it bits of water and fruit. Mothering is encoded in my dna, and writ on my body now is silvery stretch marks across my belly. I had three children in three years, then my fourth five years later. And I left my career to be there for my children. My body now is all mother--soft and low hanging breasts and lines around my smiles and eyes that show the love and joy my babies bring me.
For me, for many of us, mothering grants a daily spiritual experience. We bring this absolutely vulnerable being into this world, and then nurture it, watch it grow stronger. We love without conditions. We accept without limits. We give selflessly to them without a scorecard. Whether you mother human bubbies, or little fur babies, or your writing, or your artwork, or your home, or your own healing, the heart chakra cannot help but burst forth.
And then imagine if we love ourselves this way.
We would start a revolution. A wild love warrior revolution where we say to those negative voices, to the ones saying we aren't enough, or have enough, or give enough, "You are wrong, and I love you anyway too." Spiritual women and men often get teased about nurturing their inner child, as though it is a joke. And yeah, maybe it makes us sound a little woo-woo and emotional, but hell, I am a little woo-woo and emotional. I'm okay with that. The mothering of the Self is such a vital important part of us being able to mother anyone else.
As I continue on my work with Earth Medicine School in the second level, Pixie takes us deeper into who we are and what we do. And it has been an absolutely fascinating discovery into who I am. When I listed who I am, my first word was Mother.
I am a mother.
This is what I do all day. If you follow me on Instagram, I may post some artsy pictures of communing and meditating and doing cool artsy, bohemian stuff, but most days I am in the nitty gritty with a rambunctuous, curious, awesome, goofy two year old and two big kids with bigger emotional needs. I try to also post pictures of my kids crying too, because that is my life. It is all of it. The other day, for example, the baby had a bit of diarrhea, and screamed in ten minute increments on and off since he woke up. Because his bum hurts and he keeps pooping and he doesn't know what to do. And my job is to just hold him and rock him and change that smelly diaper and smooch his head and make sure he's hydrated and keep a stream of beauty coming so he can make it through an awful day.
When I go to work, I deal with people from all walks of life dealing with all sorts of issues, but maybe they too are in the same place as my son. They feel uncomfortable and don't know what to do.
I recenter my practice in what I know. When my children are feeling out of control, it is time to center. Breathe. Then I begin asking the questions:
Are you thirsty? Drink water.
Are you hungry? Eat an apple.
Are you tired? Nap.
Are yousad? Cry.
Are you lonely? Call someone.
This is the same with my clients. Let's get simple. Let's breathe. Let's assess. Let's figure out your goals. What is uncomfortable for you right now? Is it your spirit? Is it your body? Is it your mind? Is it your heart? How are you uncomfortable? Are things too tight? Are they too loose? Is what you thought you had gone? Is it too heavy to carry? Is there a hole that needs to get filled? This sounds very basic, but it is the checklist I make in my head when I talk to a client.
Nurturing comes by from setting boundaries some days. Other days nurturing is a warm blanket and tea with a good book. Other times it is saying yes to help. We don't mother each project the same nor do we treat each issue the same in session. With clients, I am a source of acceptance and non-judgment. How could I judge? I have worked on all kinds of people. People that look scary, people that look beautiful, soccer moms, alcoholics, witches, Christians, Buddhists and everything in between. I've worked on ex-cons and drug addicted moms and people with cancer and people who have survived the unthinkable. And whenever I close my eyes, their guides come. ALL of their gorgeous angels and spirit guides, animal guides and ascended masters come in droves expressing absolute, perfect love. They don't smell the cigarette smoke or judge that this person cusses when ordering take-out. I can feel that perfect love for each person. There is never judgment there. Only a suggestion, a reminder of our ability to release what is no longer serving, sometimes a redirection, but the thing that blows me away every time I work on a client is the amount of immense love, overwhelming love, Spirit has for us. It is profound. It is unconditional. Spirit loves us like we love our babies, with absolute awe and wonder, with reverence and endless compassion. And Spirit says what I so often tell my clients, "I wish you could see yourself the way Spirit sees you." As light. As love. As a heart. As a baby. As a wise sage. Who am I to judge when Spirit does not? It is overwhelming powerful and humbling.
But mothering isn't just about love, it is about constructing frameworks and boundaries, teaching ethics and how to behave in lovingly firm ways. I am not necessarily warm always. I am pretty masculine at times, blunt and to the point to avoid confusion about my expectations, but I like to laugh. And practice loving my clients as I love my children with awe and reverence and patience.
How are you showing up in your life? Who are you and how does that filter through your work? What or who are you mothering these days and how does it differ from the way you mother yourself?
releasing
from my newsletter, january 2017. You can subscribe here.
I've been a terrible penpal. Truly.
I suppose you can say, I haven't been writing about my work, I've just been doing my work. This autumn I started not one, but two psychic development circles with women. What amazing, interesting, gifted women! And each circle has its own personality and beauty. It is always a gift to sit in circle with women open to Spirit, honoring their path. I have also been diving deep into my second certification with Pixie Lighthorse in Earth Medicine School. It is very personal work that will bring me closer to you.
One of the beautiful questions Pixie asks us is "Who are you? Who are you not?"
Who am I?
I'm a mother.
All day, I am elbow deep in diapers and kid toys and listening to violas being played and having balls thrown at my head and eating around multi-day games of Monopoly with my three wee ones, but I also mother in circle. I nurture my clients. I set healthy boundaries with them, and give them gentle direction. So, yeah, mother seems to fit.
I am a daughter of the Earth.
When I was a child, I would run to the nearest wood, even if it was two tree deep, and construct long stories about the kingdoms there. I would curl up on a patch of moss and sleep. I would climb vines, and swing down and take journeys into the woods, studying footprints and scat, searching for arrowheads and interesting rocks, collecting bones and feathers. In my circles, I guide women and men into shamanic journey, I describe the scene to them, which often looks like the woods around my grandmother's house, the stream to the right and the deer trail which is perfectly suited to me and you together, the fallen tree we need to step over. When I walk in the woods, I am the most me-eyes full of wonder and awe.
I am a bone picker.
Vulture picks through death. My beautiful Vulture totem isn't for the faint of heart, but her job is invaluable. She transmutes death, the rotting unusable parts of us. She finds the goodness in the most unlikeliest of places. My job with clients is to pick through all the stuff, the assets and defects, the things no longer serving--can we let this go? Are you ready to have a sky burial for this anger that once served the purpose of justice, but now holds you back from love? Can we release the stuff that clutters your art desk? Can we let go of your sabotage?
I have been doing this for myself this autumn. As my autoimmune issues flared after a particularly stressful October, I found myself looking at it all. What needs to go? What needs to stay? What no longer serves, but has been here so long, I don't think is possible to go. I felt such weight on me, emotional, mental, physical weight. I began praying each morning with another person, staying accountable, then I decided to release my hair. It was holding energy, heaviness, and clouds of bubbles. Truthfully, it felt like a dead limb. So, I started slowly. 14 inches came off. I wrapped it into bundles and mailed it to a place that makes wigs. My hair was still at my shoulders. A few weeks later, I went to my friend and said, "It is still too heavy. It needs to all go." And when it all went, I was naked. Standing in front of everyone. Where is my sorceress hair? Where are the curls, the twists of fate, the curious streak of whiteness underneath? Where is the cover I had so you didn't have to see me?
When we release, we not only stand with lightness, we also stand with vulnerability. Who am I when you take away my anger? Who am I when you take away two feet of hair? Who am I when you take away the boxes on my art table and I can create again? Am I still me?
Who am I?
Who I am not is that I am not someone who uses hair as an identity. Who I am not is someone who is ready to hold onto something that holds me back from allowing the world to see who I am.
I am the bone picker and this first bones I have to pick are my own.
I intend to write more to this beautiful newsletter, and write more about myself and write more about why I do what I do and how to live this life. What do you want to hear about? Who are you? What bones are you picking? What are you releasing?
Email me and let me know you too. angie@themoonandstone.com. I also have been revising my website, so check it out and let me know what you think. Under Events, I have the local Central Pennsylvania events coming up. I also do on-line readings and distance healings, so check that out too.
With love, Angie
PS. I am headed to the Tucson Gem Show in February (from the 2nd to the 8th). Are you going? I'd love to meet you and connect in person, so pop me an email (angie@themoonandstone.com) and we can figure out a time. I can't wait!
thanksgiving
Two years ago, the snow gently fell all day, as I cuddled next to the fire with my newest little one, Zachary Michael. Though I was scheduled for induction, our little crystal baby decided to arrive early. My water broke and I labored for over thirty hours until he finally made his appearance. In distress, fluid in his lungs, they admitted my son into the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit for a few days until his breathing calmed, his x-rays showing his lung strong and clear again. My arms ached for him. I held myself for fear of falling apart, sending him Reiki from chair outside of his little plastic crib. To say I was in constant prayer was not an understatement. I called all the angels, the saints, the goddesses. I sat still in meditation and asked for Reiki and prayers on Facebook. I placed my hands on this crown and feet--soul and earth stars--helping incarnate. That is what it felt like--he hadn't quite figured out how this body thing worked yet. My friend Jack said, "It is hard for a spiritual being to become human. May the rest of his adjustment be easier than mine." And we laughed.
As I sat in the NICU, watching my son struggle to breathe, I just kept thinking, "Scream, baby." They told me that the fluid in his lungs may have been caused from his easy birth--three strong pushes. That is what I prayed for after all and focused on--for my baby to just come quickly. He didn't scream right away, expelling that fluid in his lungs. He was content, lying on my bare breast after an easy delivery. But all that struggle down the birth canal serves its beautiful purpose of pushing out all the fluid in the lungs and pissing those little babies off enough to scream out the rest of the fluid that may cause pneumonia or infection in the lungs down the line.
I thought about that so much as I sat in the huge room of the NICU with all those very little sick babies. We have to scream and struggle against our own contentness sometimes. One of my Religion professors, my mentor really, used to say that babies cry and scream because they want justice. We come into the world knowing we deserve comfort, love, food, heat, people to care for us. No baby feels unworthy. No baby hates themselves. Babies scream because they won't settle for being ignored and unloved. And they stop screaming when people prove them wrong.
The world talks about gratitude so much at this time of the year. But in this community, it is one of those spiritual principles we talk about all year. It is the elevator of vibration, carrying it up and open. Gratitude elevates our energy, opens us to healing. It is the gateway to forgiveness, love, and spiritual awareness. But I find that blanket statements of gratitude and platitude frustratingly miss the point. I think most of us recognize that we can say, "I am grateful for everything" and be done with it. But listing each of those things, appreciating the gift of them, the work we put into achieving and keeping them in our lives, recognizing their impermanence, focusing on those quiet moments of absolute thankfulness, are more the point.
Gratitude isn't simple. We often have grief, sadness, suffering, illness, death, depression and other circumstances that create a stuckness in our own story. This stuckness can be an essential part of healing. It is the point before the scream. It inspires us to say, "I am worthy of NOT suffering." Think of the baby and mama pushing to get him out for longer than three pushes. They are suffering, pissed off. They are stuck in this tight space, ready for the world. If you have birthed a child, you know, this is the time when you are distinctly NOT thinking about how awesome it is to have a gigantic baby head stuck in your vaginal canal. You are thinking, "GET OUT." And the baby isn't contemplating how much fluid will be pushed out of his lungs. They are in stuckness, and feeling overwhelmed and can't really see the light at the end of the proverbial and literal tunnel. I think we do a huge disservice to tell people to be thankful when they are in that place of suffering. I believe with all my heart that all our suffering is there for a purpose, and yet it is not so helpful to be reminded of that during the suffering.
Struggling with gratitude IS the practice of gratitude. All we have to do is trust that our feelings when they arise are right and important and valuable to the next phase of our healing, even if our contemporaries shame us when we feel negative or sad or self-pitying. So the suffering--the feeling less than, unworthy, stuck--let this be the gateway to the scream that gets it all out. Let it be the catalyst for feeling worthy of not suffering. Can you find gratitude in your own screaming? In your own declaration of your worthiness? Can your suffering be a prayer of gratitude?
When I am suffering, grief stricken or sick, I keep it simple. I look out the window, and find myself grateful for the beauty of a leaf twirling to the ground, for the air, and for my own miserable suffering, which reminds me that I am human and not a Buddha. For me, gratitude is an important spiritual practice, but our holiday of Thanksgiving transcends this individual daily practice. We gather our tribe and not gift each other things, not celebrate an achievement, or a person, or a God, but to collectively appreciate what we share as a family, or group of friends. We take inventory of those values we hold dear, and really appreciate what we have. As a society, we take this time to quiet and focus on home.
That is remarkable. It is wonderful to have this yearly community ritual of gratitude rather than just our personal daily practice of gratitude. And yet, I get why the holidays are challenging for so many who face dysfunctional families, estrangement, divorce, or grief. A few years ago, I took the opportunity of Thanksgiving to talk about grief during the holidays. I republished it yesterday, because I know so many of us revisit grief and suffering during this time. It resonated with so many at the time, and if you face difficulties during the holidays, it might be a helpful read.
But I wonder if we can't reinvent this space of gratitude for those of us who are suffering this year. Rather than shaming those who struggle with gratitude, allow them to scream, abide their stuckness, marvel at their own righteous indignation of their suffering. It is our birthright after all to scream. It lets out the fluid stuck in our lungs. Helps us to take in fresh clear air, filling our heart chakra with the love for ourselves that we deserve.
My son's second birthday was on the 22nd. He turned two and is a bouncy, funny, silly boy who bring joy. I have so much to be grateful for, but I found myself grateful for all the screaming I have done in my life.
So, on this Thanksgiving night, here is my blessing. It is the same blessing I gave two years ago after bringing my baby home.
Scream, babies, and I will be dancing to your beautiful siren song of healing.
speaking of gratitude
This piece is reprinted from an old newsletter published in the Fall of 2013. May you find it useful.
During this time of year, our community explodes with talk about the healing power of gratitude. No doubt about it, gratitude changes the world--or at the very least, it changes your perception of the world. The phrases gratitude and positive thinking, manifestation and abundance, get bandied around without much acknowledgement of the how hard won those words and concepts can be for some people. The holidays are often trying times for those with dysfunctional families of origin, children facing challenges, the widow and widower, the bereaved parents among us, those suffering with depression and anxiety, and anyone facing financial hardship and so many other challenges. It can feel downright cruel to have the joy and cheer of the season thrown in your face while you are suffering.
Our spiritual community teaches principles of positive thinking and manifestation. This is my job as a lightworker too, after all. We do a great job of clarifying spiritual pathways for the seeker, illuminating our soul's potential and beautiful lessons. We love rainbows and positivity and golden manifestation. But to be perfectly honest, I think the New Age and Spiritual community is lousy at dealing with the hard emotions--grief, anger, anxiety, and depression. In fact, those emotions get demonized in many circles as the reason for illnesses, set backs, unemployment...everything from acne to obesity. Never mind that you cannot control the virus raging throughout your body, if only you could think positively, they seem to say, then you wouldn't cause your own illness and suffering.
Not so long ago, positive thinking really pissed me off for just this reason. It put the blame squarely on the shoulders of the suffering for every terrible thing that happens, for every dream that doesn't come true. In 2008, my second daughter died during labor. We were 38 weeks into a healthy pregnancy and all indications showed her to be a vital, perfect little being. She was born still, and they never found a reason for her death. When she died, I felt so betrayed by my body, so betrayed by the cult of positive thinking. I did yoga, meditated, ate vegetarian, burned incense, surrounded myself with positivity. I grieved out loud, so to speak. I wrote about grief constantly, and spiritual awareness or lack thereof. I published pieces publicly about what I was feeling, and wrote a blog about parenting after, how I navigated the world after my daughter died, and how desperately sad I was. I connected with thousands of other grieving parents. Everything about me changed. And I allowed it to change. During those years, well-meaning people tried desperately to shift me out of my ugliness. Some friends tried to get me to stop writing about grief all together, telling me I was not helping myself to dwell on the loss of a child. Well-intentioned people would often say after they heard of Lucia's death, "I believe everything happens for a reason." Or "You shouldn't write about this sad topic anymore. Your daughter wants you to be happy." Deep down, I always believed those things, but it served no purpose to hear them.
By far, the worst things said were "You have a living daughter. Focus on her. She needs you to be happy. You can have more babies." It insinuated that I had no gratitude. So beside losing my daughter, they were telling me that I had lost my gratitude too. Truly, I was grateful. Filled with gratitude, actually, AND I was grieving. Those things are not mutually exclusive. Grief and gratitude often go hand-in-hand, and those grieving know that to be absolutely true. We are filled with gratitude that we had any time with them, whether it was sixty years, or six minutes.
Grief is simply another expression of deep love. We often miss our loved ones because we are so grateful for the amazing life we live. After Lucia died, I had such a deep, newly profound sense of impermanence. I clung to my living daughter, so grateful and amazed that she breathed so easily. When my normal grief was treated as unpalatable, I simultaneously knew that those people didn't really feel that my grief was unpalatable. They just were trying to fix this unfixable reality. They were trying to be positive, to help me see the bright side of my daughter's death. They were feeling helpless and ineffectual and my suffering reminded them that they, or rather, we have no control over this life.
Some in the New Age community say that all of our suffering is what we signed up for before this life--our illnesses, challenges, losses, traumas--to learn life lessons. And you know what? I completely, thoroughly believe that. But I do not think it is helpful in the slightest to tell a suffering person this belief of mine. Remember whether our suffering is self-imposed or not, we are still in pain. Whether our Higher Selves chose this particular suffering in this particular life does not matter. We have to experience the pain of it, the growth from it...we need to walk through it as humans, not as Buddhas. The amazing triumph of the spirit and human spiritual being is that despite our suffering, we manage to find the deeply intertwined matrix of acceptance and wisdom through that suffering. These are the vital soul lessons of a Spirit having a Human Experience.
The only time lightworkers should be in the role of the teacher or sage is if we are asked to be. Otherwise, we are simply equals, compassionate listeners, abiding in another's grief and suffering. To fully be present in our gifts, we need to release any ego attachments to "fixing" or "healing" anything or anybody. We are simply conduits. Remember compassion is nothing like pity. Compassion is deep understanding of suffering. Most lightworkers I have met have come by their compassion through true suffering and rebirth. We must tap into our own memory of suffering to help others. Spirit asks us to hold space, to listen, to open our heart as a conduit for Divine love to pass through us into another, to heal through our deep understanding that suffering is part of our shared humanity. We aren't here to fix anything, but we can make it better simply by letting it be without shifting. Loving without expectation. We are asked to get profoundly curious about our suffering and grief. We ask other people to get curious too. We watch. We grow. We expand our compassion and love simply by allowing the emotion to be felt, then release it. We say we are sorry. We sit with them.
When I hear healers maniacally shifting people out of their hard emotions or tears, telling them these "truths" of theirs, I want to scream, "Shift them further into it, Sister. Don't try to heal. Go deeper. Ask better questions. Get curious." It is normal and healthy to feel immense grief, anger, and depression when we have lost someone close to us, or have been diagnosed with a serious illness like Cancer or Multiple Sclerosis. Lightworkers do a disservice when we don't allow people the normal course of grief and acceptance. Those who cannot sit with death as well as life, with the dark as easily as the light, with our shadow selves as graciously as our Highest Selves have no place in the healing fields. People release all the time on my crystal healing table--crying, laughing, farting, snoring. This is part of being human. Healers remain unflappable. It is only when someone seems stuck without feeling do I try to move them. I may physically open a blocked chakra, but mostly, I ask them to go further. "Go deeper," I may push. What is the real emotion? When we go deep, these emotions stem from two places--deep love or deep fear.
Don't get me wrong--I employed positive affirmations, manifestation principles, prayer, and all sorts of magical thinking to help people create the change they want in their life, but we cannot do it by ignoring the normal, human emotions that arise in tough situations. And that is the key--suppressing your emotion makes you sick, while feeling them propels your spiritual growth. It has never been the feeling of emotion, but the not-feeling of them, that is the problem. As a crystal healer, when someone comes to me with grief, I simply help them become more heart-centered--to feel the feelings they need to feel, then move to the next feeling. Society doesn't give grieving people the permission to experience the entire range of emotions--either we expect them to swallow their grief, or be emotive and unable to experience joy. As healers and lightworkers, we need to be the ones to give our friends, family and clients the permission to grieve. The truth is that grief comes in spurts--sadness and disbelief one minute, relief and levity the next, anger in the third. When the expectation that we aren't supposed to laugh when we are grieving is there, the grieving person walks into a role already assigned them. They are swallowing another part of their experience. Take the person moment by moment, and allow them to be present in their grief.
That was the long way of saying--give the gift of abiding this season without judgment. Don't shift someone out of a hard emotion, push them into it. Get curious. Watch it ebb and flow and the emotion dissipate when it sees the light. Remember this: ALL of the time, bad things happen to good people. Any other way insinuates that I am capable of making a judgment about someone else's behavior and what they deserve and don't deserve. We all deserve love, acceptance, security and safety. We are all good people, AND bad things happen. How we deal with it, how our thinking changes, how we accept life's path, that is the pavement of spiritual growth. Allow it to happen without judgment.
nourish
Every so many months, I think about my Word of the Year, Remember that? All the way back from January?
I had decided on a word, then during a visioning class I taught, another wordspoke its name insistently in my ear. Nourish.
Nourish.
The word itself evokes that satiating beautiful contentedness that comes from being filled with what your body needs. Mind you, I said needs, not wants. What I want is entirely different than what nourishes me. When I am sad, I like to be alone, isolated, watching Real Housewives with a carton of ice cream and bourbon. None of those things nourish me. None of them are good for my soul. What nourishes me is time spent connecting, exploring, meditating, walking in the woods, sitting still, praying, moving and dancing, singing, being me without all the chatter and noise.
I don't think about my word every day, but I have spent these months digging deep within me about what is nourishing. I have surprisingly cut out so much of what was not nourishing me from food to habits to self-talk to relationships. The surgeon even cut non-nourishing cells from my body. And I have replaced many of those things with new nourishing routines.
For the years in which I choose a word of the year, it is remarkable how the word manifests itself in my life. Emerge felt like a birth--painful and profound. Roots helped me connect and gain footing in my new home. Nourish has been an important shift for me in self-care and self-acceptance.
What nourishes me right now is earthy rooty teas, like Herbal Coffee from Mountain Rose Herbs, creating grids on these amazing batiked grid cloths by Amanda Johnson of Tie-Dye Bill, eating this amazing Paleo granola in the morning when my energy is low that has coconut, pecan, currants, goldenberries, cashews, raisins, and almonds with almond milk, cuddling with all three children while all three still fit on my lap, running again, journeying with Vulture, and singing chants, prayers, and songs I wrote for the Earth.
Singing is a new thing for me. I have traditionally not been fond of my voice, but I began just not giving a shit, and singing anyway. And it takes me to new heights and understanding. Earlier this year, I began searching for other women who like to sing without giving a shit, and haven't quite found that tribe yet. Someone told me to start the group myself, but I'm not sure I am that confident in the not-giving-a-shit part. I just want to sing earth hymns and pagan chants with women in circle--honoring, praying and connecting. All those things that nourish.
I'll be talking about Voice tomorrow night at my monthly crystal workshop at Alta View Wellness Center. We still have room and would love to have you. Email me or call 717-221-0133. We will be talking about how to use crystals to speak your truth, honor your voice and listen with compassion. I am also excited to be starting a new Tarot session tonight! WOOHOO!! And then this weekend, join us all for the Spirit of Oneness Holistic Expo. I'll be offering mini-crystal healing sessions and doing a workshop on Sunday morning about using crystals for self-love and self-acceptance. Check me out at the Alta View booth.
What is your word of the year, and how is it manifesting in your life?
summer solstice
Ah, the Northern Hemisphere is starting to heat up on its slow crawl toward summer sostice. The Earth tilts toward the sun, honoring its beautiful fire. Solstice is a perfect time to explore your intentions, dreams, and set goals, like in my Creative Visioning class at Alta View Wellness. For each solstice and equinox, I create a seasonal altar and grid to help me harness that energy and maintain the beautiful vibration of the solar and lunar energy of this time. So much of the celebration of the solstices honor the Sun and the movement around the wheel of the year.
I thought I would share some solstice stones to include in your Litha or Summer Solstice altars, celebrations and grids to help you harness that gorgeous vibration and work with it around this time.
Let's start at one o'clock. Fire Agate captures the essence of fire. This stone holds the essence of physicality and strength. It is a stone of vitality and sexuality. So much of that sexual fire translates to creative fire. It inspires, ignites and intensifies one's passions and emotions. I couldn't think of a more apt stone on your Summer Solstice altar.
At five, I included raw Carnelian. My friend Joe from Crystals and Crafts sent me this beauty, which I have been working with in Medicine Bundle since the new moon of the Spring Equinox. The energy of Carnelian vibrates at a physical level. It helps stimulate the first three chakras, and again ignites a kind of passionate dance with the Self. It's an amazing ally for courage and for self-realization. Creative fire sparks with Carnelian, and because of its help with certain literary homework in our house, it is nicknamed "the Poetry stone", as poetry and writing can't help but flow around Carnelian. I love Carnelian in all its forms, you have probably seen it in a thousand grids in my home, but I particularly love raw Carnelian.
At six o'clockish, Sunstone beckons the long Solstice sun. Sunstone stimulates that idea of enlighened leadership. Enlightened leadership utilizes this idea that true leadership is being of service, rather than being in control. And so Sunstone helps align self will and Divine will. It is a strong fire stone, again for Summer Solstice, it is important to honor the element of fire (and often water hand in hand.) Sunstone emanates, as Naisha Ahsian says, the Solar Ray. This is my experience of Sunstone as well, and I often use it in the center of Solstice Tarot readings, and other times I am invoking the sun and Father Sky.
At seven o'clockish is Citrine. This is a natural polished Citrine, and it does have a different vibration than heat treated Citrine, which is not to say one is better than the other. I simply prefer natural Citrine for Solstice altars and work. It holds that pure fire energy, and emanates a golden ray. Most Citrine has smoky quartz within its matrix, and so that combination is amazingly grounding, helping one truly manifest one's desires and dreams, as it grounds the manifestor into realistically setting goals.
At nine o'clock, Tangerine Quartz points toward that sexual, creative self. It inspires curiosity, playfulness and innocence. I used to always shy away from stones with fruit in the name. My teacher says most fruity named stones are dyed or faked, but Tangerine Quartz is an exception. This year, as I battle some sacral issues, I have really worked deeply with Tangerine Quartz. My personal specimen has both a past timeline and future timelink, which was incredibly helpful, as I was healing both my present sacral, past traumas and fears held in the womb, and then trying to heal any future trauma there. I love the lightness of being that Tangerine Quartz brought to my womb. It is a place of birth and creativity, not pain and fear. And Tangerine Quartz seemed to capture that for me. Whereas Carnelian can be a strong, masculine feel in the sacral area, Tangerine Quartz feels less violent and war-like. It is more like a gentle hand on the shoulder, rather than a full metal shield for protection there, and it is incredibly healing.
At the eleven o'clock area here is Dogtooth Calcite, which is also called Stellar Beam Calcite. I just love this rock. My goodness. Stellar Beam is a wonderful ally for connecting with angels and guides. They are a stone of light, and connect the Higher Chakras with Divine Will. I included it with this grouping for Summer Solstice because they carry the golden ray, and in that way, connect with the power of the Sun.
Creating grids is my jam, you know. This Summer Solstice grid is simple and beautiful, and captures the fiery Sun energy for Solstice. Centered with a Carnelian sphere, the first circle includes natural Citrine, the second contains Sunstone, and the third contains Carnelian and white arrowheads to help direct my energy and cut through any blockages arising for me right now. I used a flower of life woods grid from Eternal Glyphics. Another wonderful way to create a grid is to include flowers in the grid itself. Of course, it doesn't last as long, but it is a wonderful addition to a Solstice circle or party.
You can also create your own gorgeous sun drink with Golden Milk. The main ingredient of Golden Milk is Turmeric, which is an anti-inflammatory. This is my main reason for drinking it. I am new to the whole Golden Milk thing, but I am in love with it. I could bath in it, honestly. Or marry it, even though my husband would be jealous. It is perfect. When I am taking in tea, juice or drinks as medicine, I like to create a wee grid around it, and charge it with Reiki. Not only does it satisfy my ritualistic itch, it slows me down, appreciate the small beauty we can create around us. And I am worth a little grid making, no?
Golden Milk is a simple recipe--a cup of almond milk, coconut milk or other milk product. I don't do dairy, so I made this one with coconut milk. One teaspoon of dried Turmeric, one teaspoon of Ginger, and a sprinkle or two of black pepper. Then honey to taste. I put the milk, turmeric, ginger and pepper in the blender, and mix is up. Then I pour into a saucepan and add raw honey to tast, warming it slowly. It is simply sun in a cup.
I wrote about Summer Solstice visioning in my latest newsletter. You can read that here: Visioning. I am promising to be on the blog more. I also am going to be rewriting/revisiting some old newsletter topics and re-publishing them on my blog, so let me know if you have some oldies, but goodies you are interested in seeing.