how to heal the king of cups reversed

Hi Angie, 

I loved your description of the King of Cups posted on January 8, 2014 .

I live with a King of Cups.  She is an empath with strong emotions and equally strong resistance to them, meaning she cannot express them.  As a result, she has extreme difficulty relating to people and is literally breaking apart, spiritually and physically. How does the King of Cups heal himself?

She drew the King of Cups in position two, the crossing card.  I know that only she can heal herself but she has all but given up. Can you provide suggestions or reference material that may help?

Thank you, Yvonne

Wow, Yvonne, what a fantastic question. It really nails why I read Tarot and what I think the goal of Tarot should be--to read the energy around a situation and find a path to healing.

The King of Cups generally embodies both the positive and negative attributes of any suit. Remember that when you are reading and a Court Card comes up either in the upright or reversed position, most people aren't all positive attributes or all their shadow (though some people might project all shadowy elements in a certain situation, like work.) Particularly in the obstacle position, we can see how the King of Cups' shadow attributes can be the challenge for the person, rather than their strength. You can read about the King in this post, I am not going to rewrite what that person looks like. 

The Cups rule emotions, so the Heart and Sacral Chakras are really illuminated with Cups people. Though Heart is traditionally an Air element chakra, it seems more fitting to me and in Tarot work to be associated with Water. Emotions and what we feel are intrinsically tied to Cups people. Sacral chakra, ruling our sex relations as well as creative endeavors, is also a Water chakra, so we can see how our emotions and sexual relations often are fundamentally tied together. Empaths are often represented through Cups Court Cards. What you describe about empaths with strong emotions and equally strong resistance to them is entirely normal. We learn to survive our sensitivities and gifts. If your partner was not taught how to shield her emotions from other people, or not given healthy and strong boundaries as a child, she had to survive that experience through shutting down feeling of emotions. 

We must remember that this survival was necessary for her, rather than punishing it (I am talking more about her punishing herself for not feeling her emotions) to honor it in some way. I always like to do release ceremonies and to thank my shadow self for keeping me together at a time when I had no other allies or emotional tools. (The New Moon is a great time to do this type of ceremony, or the Winter Solstice.) I often thank my alcoholism for getting me through my life. Alcohol worked for me when I had no other emotional tools, but then it stopped working for me, and became the blockage to my emotional growth and connection to other people. When I do a release, I honor the ways in which I survived, but also how I truly want to live. So, release, then invite a new way of being into your life.

I am a huge fan of the book Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff. She has some great insights on how to become self-compassionate, and how to feel an emotion without falling apart, or allowing it to become an obsession. This is another of the reversed King's attributes--being obsessed with a story about a negative emotion. "So and So hurt me, and this is how they hurt me. Isn't So and So a terrible person?" It is being mind-centered, rather than heart centered, and it is a way of not feeling the feeling. Emotions change fairly quickly, but we often sit in the story, because it is more comfortable for us than the emotion. So a story about hurt, betrayal, or chaos becomes more comfortable than anger or forgiveness. I love Pema Chodron's article on anger. But if we sit in anger, and do not react to it, and get deeper with the feeling, we often note it is a deep childhood pain that has arisen again. Often, when someone is empathic, we often see them shut it all down, so they cannot feel emotions at all. But this comes at a deep cost of connection with other humans.

But as you have identified, the King of Cups is a ruler of his emotions, not an escaper. He embodies the wisdom of his Suit, meaning, he has come to understand his own emotions and how to feel the feeling and then move to the next feeling. Kings of Cups who have not learned this lesson come to deal with their emotions in escapist ways, like addiction through alcohol, drugs, food, other people, gambling, anything to get out of the feeling that is uncomfortable. Dealing with addiction, if this is what your King of Cups is facing, is a whole post in and of itself, but naming it, owning it, and getting help is so very vital. You can email me privately if this is something you are facing, and would like some help navigating this part of the healing for King of Cups. But on the larger issue, I would first suggest examining where the fear of emotions comes from--Was it picking up other people's emotions too intensely? Was it being ridiculed or punished for her emotions? Was there no one there to walk with your King of Cups, to allow her to feel her vulnerability in a safe place? There are probably a thousand questions here. Once you identify that, you can take a course of action. 

For the first question, I would say, learn grounding, shielding and empathic tools. There are so many resources online for empaths right now. I recently wrote about my healing work and empathic abilities in my newsletter. I also have written a ton about protection and grounding. This work is so so so important for empaths, healers, lightworkers and any of us who run away from emotions. Ground. Understand one's self. Great stones to help with grounding and shielding are Black Tourmaline, Hematite, Smoky Quartz, Onyx, Obsidian, Garnet, Dravite (Champagne Tourmaline), and Shungite among others. Get barefoot. Visualize your protection shield up in public and know you are allowed to feel your feelings, but not allowed to feel other people's feelings.

 If it was the second, then some healing needs to come around the childhood wounds of being a sensitive person. We often hear, "You are too sensitive" being bandied around as an insult, but it is a beautiful quality to have. To empathize and live in compassion. Of course, it is a detriment if we feel other people's feelings for them, and I have found Pixie Campbell's courses on Shadow work and Boundaries absolutely invaluable in learning about our shadow self and how it plays out in our daily life, and how boundaries are so vital to the empath. (I wrote about working with Shadow here.) Carolyn Myss also does amazing work around understanding and working with the Shadow. Her book Sacred Contracts is a wonderful resource for understanding how archetypes come to play out in our life. Tarot deals with Archetypes too, so I find a natural connection there. One thing that Pixie says is that you can talk to your Shadow self when it begins to rear up. When your King of Cups begins to shut down at an emotional time, she can talk to her Shadow child. "It is okay, babe. I know that used to work for us, but it isn't anymore. I got this one. I am an adult now, I can protect us both." She tells of the image of putting your protective Shadow self in a papoose and carrying her with you. It isn't a punishing stance you take with those instincts, but an understanding that they are no longer working for you.

For the last question, remember that our vulnerability, our authentic self is worthy, beautiful, and compassionate. She wants to emote, express, and be whole in front of someone. This is why she feels broken apart. She is literally broken apart. Her insides aren't matching her outsides. A great practice is to have your King of Cups choose someone to be absolutely herself in front of. This might be you, though do not take it personally if it isn't. We often first have to choose a therapist or neutral third party. Make sure the person is trustworthy. This is the thing-- Vulnerability is a Gift. Each person gets to decide who is worthy of this gift. (Of course, Brene Brown is a wonderful amazing resource in the world of Shame and Vulnerability. If you haven't heard her TED talk, run right now to hear it. I will wait right here.) It is a good thing to practice boundaries and not share all our intimate feelings with everyone we meet. But it becomes a problem when it is no one. Our human push is to connect with others, even us introverts. This person simply will hold space while the person gets comfortable feeling his or her emotions. They may prompt to go deeper into a feeling or story. What was behind that hurt? Go deeper. The most important aspect of this is to make sure this space is safe. The King of Cups's experience in the past was one of ridicule or punishment when they did express emotions, so it really is so vital to ensure she is safe in this space.  When the King of Cups emotes, it will simply be met with what works for her. She may determine that before the session. "If I cry, can you hold me? If I cry, can you cry with me? If I cry, can you simply close your eyes and breathe?" If you are abiding the person crying, resist handing them a tissue. That is often a mark to people that crying is inappropriate and needs to stop. Also know that if she doesn't cry, there is nothing wrong with her. Some people emote by laughing or screaming or moaning.

The goal is to become more heart-centered. What does that mean, exactly? Heart centeredness is, what my teacher called, the Highest Form of Spiritual Love, or rather the unconditional love towards the self and others. To achieve heart centeredness, we must release judgment of ourselves and others. We filter through the heart rather than the mind, and we often work actively to feel our own feelings and not other people's feelings. This work is lifelong work for the Empath. I can tell you in my crystal healing practice I often help my clients move into the heart space energetically through crystal healing, Reiki and simple space holding. Great crystals for heart work are Rhodonite, Rose Quartz, Rhodochrosite, Green Aventurine, Jade, Pink Tourmaline, Ruby in Fuschite, Kunzite, and Watermelon Tourmaline. I often manually open the heart chakra and allow my clients to cry. Touch is also vitally important for water healing, so think massage, Reiki and other healing modalities where gentle touch happens in a safe environment.

Your question reminded me of an episode of a local NPR program on WHYY called Voices in the Family. This episode features Brene Brown and Kristin Neff. Amazing stuff that might help shed some insight too. I hope this helps, and please let me know if you want some follow-up here, or if something doesn't make sense. 

Much love, Angie

tarot of the week--page of cups

“The young habitually mistake lust for love, they're infested with idealism of all kinds.” ― Margaret Atwood

Ah, the young and idealistic! We venture into the week holding hands with the young Page of Cups. You can get no more idealistic than this Page. For a quick reminder of the Court Cards and their role in the Tarot, this piece explains each of their roles in the Shakespearean drama of the Tarot.

Pages, just for a brief reflection, are the youngest of the Tarot. They often deal with the children in our lives, or the, ahem, young at heart. (You can also call them eternally immature!) They are also the messengers of the Tarot and often come when one is receiving messages around the suit's attributes. The Page holds all the energy of the Cups, the suit of Water. So, we are talking emotions, art, love, relationships, creativity, romance. We see the young Page in his fancy outfit with spring flowers adorning his tunic. This represents a new beginning, as Pages often herald. It is our own feelings and perceptions of ourselves as neophytes, apprentices, or newbies in some arena. In the case of the Page of Cups, this might mean feeling those new pangs of young love. Young, either in age or time. In this way, you might find yourself pulling a Page of Cups when you have left a long-term relationship and are beginning to date again, but feeling like it is your first time dating. Pages have to be seen in the realm of perception as much as reality, if that makes sense.

This Page is the high school first love personified. There is obsession at times, mistakes, goofiness, game playing, but it is always sincere. He flirts (you can pull this if there is an exciting flirtation going on rather than a full-blown romance.) He writes poetry, builds monuments to his love, serenades, but leaves when the emotions get too deep. The Cups often swirl around romance and love questions, so he often has that reputation. But the Cups also deal with emotions, so one can pull this card when one is dealing with new emotions, or a new way of relating to his own emotions. Maybe he is trying to set new boundaries, or communicate in a more authentic way. Maybe the Seeker is beginning to see a therapist and uncover and name her emotions in a new way. 

Cups are also the psychic and spiritual suit, so sometimes this card comes when one is beginning their psychic or spiritual journey. We can see this represented in the fish in the the chalice. Because of the association with messages and the messenger, this card can indicate that the Seeker has received or will receive an inspirational message of some kind. Depending on the cards around this one, this can come through sleep (think dream cards like the Two of Swords, Nine of Swords, the Star or the Moon.) The idea of a new beginning can also come with the Page of Cups, but this would be a new creative idea or medium, like taking guitar lessons, or creative journaling when one has been a painter. 

Pages represent people in our life as well. Pages often come to represent children or younger people for the Seeker. Again, this can be a immature person of any age. The idea is that they feel young. Page of Cups are people under the astrological signs of Pisces, Cancer or Scorpio. They are romantic types, often dreamers. They day dream and stare off into space. They create love and poetry. They are charming and magnetic, often connecting with many people emotionally. They are often highly sensitive, imaginative, loving, affectionate, kind, and intuitive. Young empaths can be described as Page of Cups-ish. They often need external discipline to thrive, because they aren't quite built with that kind of stick-to-it-ness. In the reversed position, we really see this play out, as Pages of Cups can jump from one thing to another, never really finishing anything. Reversed, they often have discipline problems, and can escape reality all together through overindulgence in alcohol, drugs, eating, gambling, sex and any escapist techniques. Reversed, they can often be recluses, fearing judgment ,as their sensitivity and empathic skills turn against them in some ways. They often struggle with irresponsibility and would rather spend money on travel than something boring like rent. In this way, they can often become demanding and entitled, feeling expectant that others take care of them so they can pursue their own passions. Again, this is the reversed view of this Page.

In general, though, the Page of Cups is heart-centered, and sincere, artistic and romantic. What do you think of this Page? How do you use it in your readings? Let me know in the comments!

angelite

A few months ago, I wrote a post about Angelic Communication. This included information about channeling and working with Angelic energy, and in that post, I wrote about a few stones that I like to work with for Angel work. But lately, I have been so drawn to working with Angelite in my jewelry making and crystal healing work, I thought I would talk a bit more in-depth about Angelite.

Angelite or Blue Anhydrite is mostly found in Peru with a Mohs hardness of 3.5. The blue of Angelite gorgeously resonates with the throat chakra, third eye and crown, making it ideal for channeling and angel work. I have a large, beautiful piece of Angelite, and the outside is a bumpy, strange looking white. Personally, I just adore the color, fall into it. It reminds me of something from space, or the deep ocean. In this way, it looks like peace, something that appears bumpy and difficult on the outside is a calm, blue ocean spreading over you.

The gentle frequency of Angelite makes it ideal in jewelry and for grids in the home that promote peace, tranquility and angel protection. It is a wonderful ally for working with one's angels, ascended masters, and guides. So, what does that mean exactly? It means Angelite is a wonderful way to interpret, hear, and channel angelic, master, and guide energy. It has a frequency that helps you entrain with angelic frequency. The only requirement from you is quiet listening, trust and belief, which is easier said than done, right?

Remember the throat does not just govern speaking, it governs listening. This is why the throat chakra is so vital for third eye work. Enter Angelite, which helps align all three of the upper seven chakras--Throat, Third Eye and Crown. Part of the draw of angels to Angelite is the serenity and peace it holds. It also attracts our loved ones who have transitioned, so Angelite is a wonderful ally for mediumship as well. In this way, Angelite is also an amazing tool for automatic writing and tapping into intuition. It is my belief that our guides, angels and ascended masters communicate with us constantly. They are the ones orchestrating your signs and symbols, gently guiding you on your spiritual path (the one you signed up with before incarnating as a human). You asked them then to guide you, so they do try. But so often, we stop listening to them. Angelite helps reopen those channels for listening.

Angelite helps in that state of meditation and receiving messages. Angelite assists with dream work, including lucid dreaming and accessing the Akashic records. This all doesn't happen without a bit of work, of course. Sleep with Angelite next to your bed, or under the pillow. Meditate with Angelite. Bring it into your bedroom and grid your bed. Create an Angelic communication grid. Take some mediumship and channeling workshops. Ask the angels for clearer hearing. I connected with Doreen Virtue's work early on my journey, and found her work to help me understand how to work with the angels in every aspect of my life.

Many of us are attracted to Angelite because of its calming and gentle frequency. And Angelite assists with our earthly concerns as well. Compassionate communication and gentle healing of Throat Chakra imbalances makes it a wonderful addition to your crystal collection. Placing Angelite in centrally located places during an event where words can get heated and uncomfortable is a wonderful way to use Angelite. It helps soothe gossipy and sharp tongues. If you are interested in bridging both the human uses and angelic, it would be only fitting to call in Archangel Gabriel to help you use compassionate language and to hear the person.

I use Angelite most often in grids. I find it resonates beautifully with Danburite and Kunzite for Angelic and Spirit Guide work. I also use it in grids for Distance Reiki. I always invoke the angels in this work, so it only stands to reason I use their stone. I find a natural connection between Angelite and Apophyllite, as well as Petalite. Something about their resonances feel similar to me, and so naturally pair them in grids and angelic work. 

What do you think of Angelite? Let me know in the comments.

tarot of the week--three of pentacles

“Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it” ― Gautama Buddha

There is another quote that pops into mind when I think of the Three of Pentacles--"Choose a job you love, and you never work a day in your life." We walk back into the world of career, family and home with the Three of Pentacles. Pentacles deal with the material--things, work, home, family, career, money. But each Pentacle has its own, shall we say, particular flavor. The Threes are about growth and expansion. And this Three holds amazing promise in it.

We greet the Three of Pentacles with three people--the artisan, the priest and the benefactor. The artisan creates the beautiful pentacle carvings on the walls of the church or monastery, while the monk and benefactor look on. They discuss his work, looking over his plans. This three deals with career in a meaty, substantial way. It brings together the Two's balance and the One's potential into a soul path. And this is what the Three is about. He is an artist, and artisan, but he is not whimsical in the slightest. He is making plans, watching them come to fruition. 

There are never mistakes in the Tarot, and the backdrop of the church and monastery is important. His work, though physical and demanding, is sacred. He is blessed by the priest/monk/abbot, and he is rewarded financially by the benefactor. These three come together for one goal--a sanctuary. This relationship is mutually beneficial to all three of the participants. There is no charity, so to speak. These are people working hard to serve the Divine, the people and each other.

This card certainly harkens to the Empress III in the Major Arcana, ripe with creativity and innovation. Yet it holds its own personality. It is one of beautiful support on your path. It holds new levels of gratification, and the promise of spiritual, creative and financial fulfillment. I often pull this card for people who have figured out and are working their soul purpose. Not simply as a hobby, or volunteer basis, but someone getting paid for work they feel is their soul path. They have all three pillars of career fulfillment--creativity, spiritual growth and financial comfort. This card comes when someone is on their path, or working their path. There also is an implicit understanding that this fulfillment comes with partners--the monk and benefactor. We do not work in a vacuum and part of the fulfillment comes with the human connection element.

There are no "gifts" in this card. The Artisan works and worked damn hard to get to the point that he is trusted with the heart of the Church. He has poured his own heart and soul into his passion and craft. And it shows in every thing he does. As you can see, he doesn't even put down his tools to talk to his benefactor and priest. He continues working. Hard work blesses this artisan. He has worked hard to hone his craft and become confident in his expertise.

There is a strong creative side to the Three of Pentacles. This is the Card of the Artisan after all, but it can really cover any path where you feel creative in some way. I use that word often in this blog. Most often this is associated with the traditional arts--music, painting, writing, sculpture, dance, etc...but I do not mean to imply that when I say creative. I mean, how do you approach your work? How do you approach life? Creativity is a way of being, rather than a traditional artsy fartsy endeavor. Think of how you approach problems on the job. Are you working your creative muscle there?

This card comes when the Seeker becomes an expert, or competent in their chosen field. They are drawing clients and customers, and on the path of financial stability and professional achievement. It can indicate getting a degree or finishing training in some way and moving to the level of artisan, rather than apprentice. It also means that the Seeker is receiving some financial and spiritual fulfillment in their chosen career. They feel that their work is important and helping others. They are in service. This can be a cheerful Starbucks worker who smiles at each customer, to a social worker who helps destitute children. Spirit does not necessarily distinguish between these two types of service. They are equally important.

Reversed, this card can indicate someone is not working up to their potential. Or rather they have all the talent, but none of the hard work and drive to push their potential into a true career. They may be whining about how people won't buy from them, or hire them, but the truth is that they themselves are not working hard enough. It can also indicate that they are still apprentices and needing more direction in their career. The lack here is of workmanship, drive and hard work. These are the driving forces that make the Upright Three of Pentacles successful. This card also may be pulled when the Seeker is feeling unfulfilled in their work, and the streams of income are beginning to dry up. This is Spirit's way of pushing that person to make some major changes in their outlook and career.

As always, I'd love to hear your take on the Three of Pentacles, and any Tarot card I cover here. I am thinking about offering some on-line courses for Tarot in the upcoming months. If you are interested, please let me know by sending me an email at themoonandstone@gmail.com.

tarot of the week--the star

“Only in the darkness can you see the stars.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

We welcome October with a gift from the Major Arcana and Spirit--the Star. It is indeed a blessed card, one of beautiful images and messages. Here kneels Mother Earth, or perhaps, as Marcia Masino envisions her, the goddess Isis Urania. I think she might be the goddess Astraea, the goddess of the Cosmos. She symbolizes justice, innocence, and purity, and she fled Earth because of our human wickedness. The celestial virgin is said to return  to bring with her Utopia, peace and enlightenment. This falls in line with the promises of the Star, which gives us hope of a new dawn.

The Star is number XVII of the Major Arcana, and she follows the Tower. After the demolition of all we hold dear, she balances with two jugs of water, one to feed and nurture Earth, and another to replenish the Spirit. She is also anointing, blessing, bestowing beautiful gifts to the recipient of this card. Of course, water has many meanings in the Tarot--it is a psychic symbol, one of emotions, one of love. The Star's associations with water are hard to miss. The Star exists in the psyche. For she is the ultimate hope, after the Tower, that things can be righted. Her pouring water into water shows her ability to transmute energies from death and destruction to rebirth and blossoming of the soul.

The goddess is crowned with eight stars in the sky. Eight is the number here, as XVII is numerologically an Eight. (1+0+5+2=8). Eights are about power and success, often from a wellspring of self-healing and self-knowledge. So much of what the Star represents is quite esoteric. It is hope. It is optimism. It is the belief in one's own healing power. It is about self-acceptance. It is about surrendering to win. This is what the step from the Tower to the Star means after all. That we step from absolute powerlessness into our own healing power. The Tower is about ego and bravado and building false protection against knowing ourselves and admitting our weaknesses. We are not in control, the Tower reminds us. But the Star says, you are only in control of your own healing. Your own knowledge. Your own humility.

There is no mistake that seven stars are small and one large star rises in the center. For these stars represent the chakra system, and seeking our own healing. The huge star in the middle is our connection to the Divine. The Soul Star chakra, it is called, the one that connects us directly with our guides, angels and the Divine. Many Tarot readers think the Star is a weak card, one of only self-belief, but in that way, I believe it is a powerful card. One of healing and self-work. The work of the Star begins with meditation. Visualizations are important and chakra balancing work is vital. Seek it through energy healing, Reiki, crystal healing and other modalities that directly work with the chakra system to help realign, balance, and facilitate healing. 

What we find in the Star is the steps toward faith. I love this quote by Martin Luther King, Jr. For often we come to the Star's wisdom after a dark time, when we are recognizing that our way, our shadow selves, are running the show. But this is not a place of despair, it is a starting point of enlightenment, so grab hold and begin the hard work of self-healing. Reversed, the Star indicates the recognition of your own healing needs to be grasped. It often tells of blockages in the chakras, and blockages to success and power. We sometimes see it reversed when someone is going through a depression and cannot manifest any hope. Again, chakra balancing and healing work is often prescribed for this time.