stones for grief support

I have written about grief quite a bit. For year, actually, I had a blog devoted to discussing grief and parenting. It surprises me that I haven't written about stones for grief support. Why crystals for grief? We often feel helpless when others are walking through the Dark Valley of grief and loss. We ourselves feel lost and in a dark wood when we have lost someone close to us. I certainly walk through cycles of grief in my life. My daughter died on Winter Solstice, and the time when the day is shortest, I begin my descent into the cold world of grief. And yet, it isn't as desolate and cold as I imagine. Grief is the deepest expression of love and longing. We do not grieve that which is unimportant to us. Each year as it approaches my daughter's death day and birthday, I find myself remembering those dark days of comprehending the impermanence of the human condition, and the reality that we will live without her bright soul. I welcome that time. For most of the year, I live this life without her. It is an ache I have grown accustomed to. Yet there is something comforting and necessary about my season of grief. Rather than a sad time, it is a time for my family to come together and love her, honor her, parent her. We hold her together, our collective memory, our survival of this horrible situation.

This grief grid was created for grieving parents on Kindness Day in 2013. It contains Rose Quartz, Green Aventurine, Dravite, and Apache Tears. Under the center stone contains the names of the parents and the child they lost. 

We tend to label grief as BAD. But in my experience, grief opens a door to love. It is a heart-centered experience. And grief is not just one emotion. It is an experience of many emotions and thoughts--joy, gratitude, anger, sadness, longing, loneliness, guilt, pride, compassion, empathy, selfishness...I could go on all day. Remember it is when we suppress emotions, feelings, instincts, that our body begins to manifest dis-ease. But when we honor the emotion--good, bad, ugly--we honor all of our human-ness. That is why we are here, after all. A spiritual being having a human experience.

Crystal support during these times of grief is incredible helpful. Most crystals recommended for grief support help us remain heart-centered. The first stone mentioned with grief support usually is Apache Tear. Apache Tear is a form of Black Obsidian. The lore around Apache Tear dates back to the late 1800s. A group of Apache warrior in battle against US Calvary were outnumbered and facing defeat. They chose to ride off a cliff than be killed by the American soldiers. It is said that the women of the tribe cried tears on the mountain over their fallen men, and their tears turned to stone as they hit the ground. Apache Leap Mountain is where this took place, it located in Southeastern Arizona. It is quite beautiful there. You can read more about the legend here. Because of this lore, it is said to assist with grief and loss. 

Another beautiful stone for grief support is Dravite, or Champagne Tourmaline. It is a dark brown Tourmaline, and it is wonderful to help ground and emote. And also it is wonderful for self-care and self-love, which are two things most of find difficult in times of emotional struggle.

I am also fond of Smoky Quartz for grief support as it is a strong protector and grounder. Remember that most of our fears of emoting and feeling grief is feeling out of control, or that once we start crying we will not stop. These black stones actually help you feel safe, secure and allow you to emote. It also protects your feelings from others. Think of how vulnerable we feel when we are emotional or grieving. If we see a Hallmark commercial, we burst into tears. Well, these dark stones--Dravite, Smoky Quartz and Apache Tear--help protect your EMF and keep your feelings to yourself.

I also include heart stones in grief mojo bags or grids. Some great stones to includes are Rhodochrosite, Rose Quartz, Green Aventurine, and Garnet, which is not usually put into the mix here with grief, but I think it is a wonderful ally.

So, you have these stones, now what? I love to gift a mojo bag of stones to a friend who has just lost a relative, friend or pet. But grief is not limited to the death of someone. We experience grief when our marriage falls apart, or we lose a job, or get sick and face a new way of living. Grief experience should not be limited to one experience of grief--death. So, yes, MOJO BAGS! It is a great support. I also love to create grids for my friends who are experiencing grief or death anniversaries. And send them distance Reiki. I always ask permission (Number one rule of energy work!).

green aventurine

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.― Anaïs Nin

Every morning, I pull an oracle card or three and journal about the messages, and how they relate to my life. I then make an "Action List" of things I'd like to do based on the suggestions--like a Gratitude List, or a meditation outside. Little achievable things. Today's crystal card was Naisha Ahsian's Crystal Ally card--Aventurine Growth. As I sat with it, thinking about Aventurine, how I work with it, what I use it for, and how plentiful it is, I realized I had not actually written about it on my blog. How could that be possible? Sometimes are most potent and useful allies get taken for granted and neglected (spoken like a true mother and wife here). 

Green Aventurine's tones range from pale green to deep forest green, and these tumblies are great for pockets, mojo bags, and for heart healing work. The larger flat palm stone is one I use in crystal healing sessions for the heart chakra or after psychic surgery. The Green Aventurine bowl in the back is a perfect addition to my altar spaces, and usually holds seasonal herbs, flowers or magickal correspondences. 

Today, I am remedying that. Aventurine belongs to the Quartz family with a Mohs hardness of 7. It works in water, out of water. On the body, in grids. As a crystal healer, Aventurine truly remains one of my crystal workhorses.  Aventurine comes in a number of colors--blue and red, peach and other lighter colors, but most popular is Green Aventurine. The green, Robert Simmons points out, come from microscopic Fuschite particles (while the red is Hematite), which is fascinating to me as I use Fuschite in healing session as a pain remover.

Green Aventurine resonates with the Heart Chakra, and helps one feel a kind of lightness of being. It subtly bridges the solar plexus (in my experience) by bringing confidence to the heart, helping one envision themselves achieving their heart's desire. In quite another way, the growth that Green Aventurine promotes is one of the heart and emotional body. How do you understand your emotional pain? Aventurine can be a partner in this tremendous work, helping you grow past your own limitations and the trap of suffering. What I mean by that is that suffering can be so all-encompassing, so all-consuming, that one cannot see a way out, or their own role in getting themselves out of the funk. Aventurine, gently, raises the vibration to a place of optimism. In this way, the quote, "Suffering is mandatory, but misery is optional" comes to mind. How and why am I making this suffering miserable? What is the root of my suffering? 

As a growth stone, it is most useful for these massive periods of change. Ironically, it calms the emotional body, helps to maintain a certain balance through the rockiest of journeys. The way in which Green Aventurine works is by helping you feel what you need to feel. It is my prayer in the morning--May I see what I need to see, say what I need to say, feel what I need to feel and do what I need to do for the Highest Good of all. Whenever we talk about feeling what we need to feel and growth, we have to remember that with the element of bringing in energy, we also must release. Aventurine soothes those wounds and facilitates the letting go of friendships, relationships, and situations that are no longer serving your Highest Good. In the next few weeks, i am going to be exploring this idea of release in my newsletter. Releasing challenges all our sense of loyalty, stamina, and self. Naisha Ahsian calls it understanding the truth of impermanence, which is not how I would have naturally articulated it, but is absolutely the nugget of this growth.

Green Aventurine also has the reputation as a healer, and I use it for healing wounds in psychic surgery and cord cutting. It is also a wonderful tool for those who have gone through physical surgery, or cardiac issues. I also use it on other areas of pain or aches caused by disruptions in the etheric body, for example, if you are holding resentment that manifests as hip pain, I might put the stone over the hip. I think of growth in this way as growth of one's positive and healing properties to overcome the wound. It bridges the wound and the heart.

Because it is so associated with growth as a concept, it is often used in manifestation work--grids, mojo bags, healing layouts. The green, the color of money, doesn't hurt either, as often magick practitioners recommend green for money and growth.  It's a great stone to pocket for job interviews, or poker night, or even a romantic date. And I use it in my Abundance grids all the time.

An affirmation for Green Aventurine might be:

I welcome my spiritual, financial and emotional growth with optimism and joy.