agreements

The last few months in my monthly readings, the Four Agreements have come up as a way to deal with some of the difficult astrological aspects arising. Honestly, I have used these for many years as guides for how to approach. They were revolutionary, because they are simple and effective:

1.      Be impeccable with your word.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. It sounds easy enough. Most of us think we speak the truth, but then think about people pleasing…do you say or do things that you think other people want? If we believe we can create our own realities through intention setting, what is every word we speak—that’s right, an intention.

2.      Don't take anything personally.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, that other people and the world do or say to you, is about you. It is always about them. Think about that. Take that in. And then also, even the opinions about yourself are not necessarily true, so you cant even take that personally.

3.      Don't make assumptions.

The human mind has a wonderful ability to fill in blanks. Maybe because our brains is used to doing this with our sensory input, but filling in the blanks with other people, with what we think will happen, with what people should and shouldn’t know is not useful. It sets ourselves up for suffering. So, let’s ask questions.

4.      Always do your best.

This is just the best for right now. Somedays that might be an extraordinarily high quality or level and other days, our best is staying in bed and resting.

I love these because they touch on my four main character defects—people pleasing, self-centeredness, know-it-all-ism, and perfectionism.

Through the years, I have collected my own agreements that I use CONSTANTLY in my work and life. I didn’t write them, but I use them as touchstones through my work and through my own approach to my spiritual development.

  1. Stop Watering Dead Plants.

I love this one, because it came at that exact perfect time for me when a friendship I had cultivated through the years fell apart. It was not because of lack of love or lack or care or lack of trying, but because she couldn’t trust me. She constantly asked others if I was mad at her, or talking about her, or upset with her. She never asked me. Then she started sabotaging the friendship and a normal misunderstanding turned into a apocalyptic event. And this popped up. It was a lightbulb moment. I just thought, “Angie, you keep watering this dead plant.” And it literally provoked me to look around my house and clear out all my dead plants, and repot the ones not growing because they are stuck. Once I did it in my home, I did it in all aspects of my life. I do think plants have so much wisdom to teach us, particularly when we try to domesticate them.

2. Do no harm, but take no shit.

Boundaries are the key to knowing your limits, making decisions on your life and being both a good friend, partner, lover, worker and community member. Think about what your boundaries are, first of all. Then keep them. It is not someone else’s responsibility to keep your boundaries. You can share them with someone, but it is your responsibility to enforce your own boundaries and sometimes that means saying no, telling people they crossed a boundary, or walking away from a relationship not serving you. Many of us are so enmeshed in the people pleasing behaviour that boundary setting feelings like harm. The Take No Shit is really self-compassion and self-care. Be your own advocate, but dammit, be kind.

3. Be extraordinary.

Being extraordinary isn’t about being a perfectionist or perfect in any way. It is about being extra. You know, extra. I often think of it as being of service, going above and beyond and following your inner child’s enthusiasm. Being extra-creative—thinking of things outside of the box, trusting your vision and following it through. It also means, to me, to be extra in terms of intuition—extra sensitive, extra trusting of your gifts, extra confident with your gut instinct, extra kind with yourself and others, and extra healing with your words and deeds. Recognizing that we need to be impeccable with our word means that maybe words have power and we are creating our reality with our thoughts. Maybe most importantly, being you, authentically you, is being extra-ordinary. Because you are extra, girl.

4. Nothing is wasted; you will use it all.

We can use every experience we have we will be use to learn, grow or be wise. As Oprah says, “Turn your wounds into your wisdom.” This is it. We will use everything to help other people. This is maybe my most important lesson from recovery—my story is all I have. My failures, losses, suffering, and trauma are what I have to learn from. We can shift our sadness and grief into strong boundaries, lessons and healing. Like how we can turn our garbage into compost and feed our new crops, we can use those things to help us grow in new ways. I use Vulture for this work to help me see the medicine in my wounds. But the message comes all the time for my clients. Nothing is wasted in this situation. You will use it all.

When I wrote these down, I felt a lightness, an exhale…this is who I am. this is what I am about.

There is an ease that arrives when you figure out who you are and what you are not, learning your boundaries and what you will and will not tolerate. I know my ethics class, coming up in September at Hibiscus Moon Crystal Academy will focus so much attention on this. Who are you? What do you or do you not tolerate? And then making your mission statement around this.

And I feel like Hans and Franz saying this (old old SNL reference)—make it now or make it later, but you will make it. We often don’t realize a boundary until someone crosses it. Even if you don’t, Vulture is just hanging out, waiting for something to die, or fail, so you can make some medicine out of it. So learn it now or learn it later. With lots of suffering in-between. I am probably going to be diving a little deeper into these through the next few weeks, so buckle up, buttercup, we got some agreements to craft!

happy agreement creating!